Making New Habits Stick

It is January and often seen as a time to reset, and whether or not you prescribe to setting new goals or habits, many see this month as a time to reset. Now that we are towards the end of the month, sometimes, we start the new year off strong and are still going strong! Other times we feel parts of goals or habits slipping a bit. Other times, we start the year strong and think we are on track and grooving; sometimes, we feel we are way off track. Are you in any of these situations? If so, you are not alone!

What is the Science Behind Habit Change?

The science of habit change is based on the idea that small changes, when repeated over time, will accumulate and lead to lasting transformations. 

We often have a massive reset at the beginning of the year and attempt to make huge, sweeping goals. For example, I am going to exercise 5 days a week! No more takeout! We are going to keep this car clean once and for all.

If the goals have gotten off track - science can help us understand why. But science shows us repeatedly that if someone wants to form a new healthy habit or break an old bad one, the best way to do this is by starting, not by making strict resolutions on January 1st with big goals. Instead, by starting with minor changes and modifications, repeat those same steps daily until they become engrained in our behavior. 

For instance, if you are someone who wants to start taking vitamins every day, consider pairing that habit with something you already do daily, such as drinking coffee (if that's your morning routine). Then, place the vitamins next to the coffee machine and ensure your hand passes over them so you remember to take them when you get your morning cup. Viola! This small change, paired with a preexisting habit, can help build the new one!

Or, if you want to increase your water consumption, try having a larger glass of water at breakfast to ensure you have finished a good portion before going through your day's activities. Tying these small changes into existing behaviors helps create permanent habit change without feeling overwhelmed by large tasks, which decreases our follow-through. Over time it becomes too much for us to change all at once.

Okay, Now What? 

If your goal is on track: 

If your goals are going well, stop and celebrate with your family. That's a big deal! Then think about if there are ways to extend the goal. For example, if you plan to make your goals 30 days and if you like changes, could you expand to 40 days? Or 60? For now, make it 40. Some other questions you could ask yourself or your family are:

What are we enjoying about this habit or goal? How do we continue this in February?

If your goal is slightly off track: 

Give yourself or your family some grace! Changing behaviors and habits is more complicated than it sounds! First, acknowledge what's going well. Then think about small changes you can make. Some questions you could ask yourself or your family are: 

What parts of the goal have been going well?

Why are we enjoying this? 

What are the more challenging parts?  

Is there a small tweak that I can make?

For example, We have been consistently washing our clothes, so now we have clean clothes; this is great! I love not worrying that my daughter is probably wearing a dirty pair of pants. But now we have piles of clean clothes. How can we tweak it to make sure we also put the clothes away? 

What if your goal is feeling off-track?

You may have had a minimum goal of cleaning the house for 10 minutes per night, and you did two nights this month, and then it just got away from you. Again, normal! You want to get it back on track because you've decided it would feel nice instead of spending a lot of time on the weekend.

You could tell your family something like: "Ugh, this new habit felt hard for us. But it also felt so lovely when we did get to hang out on Saturday morning and NOT clean. Did that feel good to you too? So How can we make this habit easier? 

Is there something we already do well that we could pair up with this?

Is there something we could delay doing until we have completed this task?

For example, wait as a family to eat dessert until after you do 10 minutes of cleanup. Or pair it with a family playlist to listen to while you clean. 

Do any of these above examples sound like you or your family? 

If so, identify a goal that is on track; semi-on track; or off track and try one of these strategies: 

(1) Habit stack it with something you already do

Ex: stack vitamins with an established morning coffee/tea etc. routine

(2) Delay something you want to do until after something more challenging is finished.

Ex. Clean out the car before you gas up for the week

(3) Pair it with something enjoyable, really fun 

Ex. Listen to a podcast you love only when you're working out

Extra tip: We tend to visualize how we will feel after. Our brains benefit from visualizing the hard thing and the aftermath. Try visualizing working out (the more detail, the more helpful) and how you will feel after. 

I have repeatedly struggled to take vitamins, which I pay a lot of money for. It would drive me nuts because I wanted to build this habit, but I could never get past a few days of consistency. Then I would start "shoulding" myself about how I was wasting money and "why couldn't I just do this simple thing." My instinct would be to punish myself. You can't buy XZY until you've taken your vitamins for a MONTH (note, I couldn't get past a few days). Eventually, I realized I ALWAYS take a glass of water with me to bed. I paired vitamins with a glass of water and didn't have to think about it as much. The habit became much more manageable. 

We'd love to help you and your family avoid the should, shame, punish cycle or any other cycle you may be experiencing if it isn't working for you! 

Let us know if you try any of these and how it goes!